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Brian(虚构人物)是一位成功的会计师。他在一家享有声誉的公司里工作，多次得到晋升，收入颇丰。然而他却并不感到快乐，也找不出原因。他做了所有他该做的事，至少根据他从家庭中得到的信息是这样的。但是正是因为他总是听从这些信息，而忽略了倾听自己内心的声音，他离自己想做一名木匠的愿望越来越远，所以尽快现在他很成功，可是他却不快乐。
无法逃避的家庭信息
从你出生那天起，你就从家庭那里得到信息。有些信息是直接与工作相关的，包括：
根据性别和潜在收入被认为是合适的工作
应该放弃一份工作的情况
可接受的工作动力
你的家庭可能会明确地说出与这些方面相关的信息，或者说是规则。举例来说：
“你当然应该去读医学院，你父亲就是读的医学院。”
“男人是不应该做护士的。”
“你不能为一份最低工资工作。”
你可能也会从家人对其他人的评论中捕捉到些许的信息。举例来说：
“你能相信她因为厌烦了现在的工作而辞职吗？那她拿什么来付帐单？”
潜在信息：对于工作来说，赚钱比快乐更重要。
“Smith先生肯定干得不错，他现在自己开公司了！”
潜在信息：自己开公司是很好的。
“乖乖，她现在的影响力可大了。”
潜在信息：社会福利工作是一份值得尊敬的职业。
信息的影响
在你成人以后，家庭给予你的信息就会成为你内在的一部分。当你在考虑一份工作，而这份工作根据这些年来你从家庭中得到的信息来看是不可接受的，你脑海里就会有一个很小的声音“啧啧”地告诉你它不同意，这个声音就像你过马路的时候大脑会提醒你左看看又看看的那个声音是一样的。这些信息和你个人所拥有的技巧、兴趣以及能力之间的冲突会给你造成很多的压力，并且最终导致你在事业问题上做出错误的决定。
让我们再来看看Brian这个例子，他得到的家庭信息包括：
“一份好的工作是一个专业工作，比如说医生、律师或者会计。”
“在公司的高层工作当然比在基层工作要好得多。”
“收入永远是最重要的考虑因素。”
“我们家的人不能用手工劳动谋生。”
正是这最后一个信息导致了他自己内心最大的冲突。由于Brian一直听从并且遵循这些与他的真实意愿不符的信息，因此会计这份工作是永远无法让他觉得有成就感的。
回到正轨
如果你已经意识到你一直以来遵循的都是别人的职业规则，那么是时候回到你自己的轨道上来了。按照下面这些步骤开始吧：
识别家庭信息：清楚地说出盘踞在你大脑中的那些信息和规则。对所有你关于工作和职业的假设和偏见都提出质疑，不过这个做法可能很困难，因为假设常常是不易发觉的。你要不断地问自己为什么，比如说：“为什么男人不能做护士？”
评价你识别出的家庭信息：仔细审查你能回想起的每一条家庭信息。它说的是你所重视的吗？它说的是你所相信的吗？最重要的是，它说的是你想保留的规则吗？
取其精华、去其糟粕：保留那些符合你自己的价值观和信念的信息，这些信息在你的求职和工作生涯中会充当向导的作用。扔掉那些与你的信念背道而驰的信息，因为这些信息只会在你努力倾听并遵循内心的声音时成为绊脚石。
深入了解你的想法：你很有可能会发现一些灰色区，在这些问题上你既不相信家庭给予你的信息，可也不确定你自己的想法。这时候你就该进行一下自我评估了。
试着倾听你内心的声音，你很快就会找到适合你的职业了。
Drive Your Own CareerBrian (not a real person) was a successful accountant. He made a good living, had been promoted several times and worked for a respected firm. Yet Brian was unhappy and didn't know why. He had done everything he should have, at least according to the messages he'd received from his family. But by following those messages instead of listening to his inner voice, Brian strayed far from his true calling carpentry and was now miserably successful.
Impossible to AvoidYou get messages from your family from the day you're born. Some of these messages deal directly with work, including:
•The jobs that are considered appropriate based on gender or income potential.
•The circumstances under which it's appropriate to leave a job.
•The acceptable motivations for working.
Your family may have clearly stated some of these messages, or rules. For example:
•"Of course you'll go to medical school. Your father did."
•"It's not appropriate for a man to be a nurse."
•"You can't work for minimum wage!"
You may receive other messages subtly via comments about other people. For example:
•"Can you believe she quit because she was bored? What about her bills?"
Message: It's more important to earn money than be happy in your job.
•"Mr. Smith sure is doing well. He owns his own business now!"
Message: Entrepreneurship is good.
•"Boy, she's really making a difference in the world."
Message: Social service is a worthy field.
These Messages Have an EffectAs you became an adult, you internalized some of the messages from your family. The little voice in your head that tells you to look both ways before crossing the street is the same one that "tsks" when you consider a career that is unacceptable based on the messages you've received from your family through the years. The conflict between these messages and the skills, interests and abilities you possess as an individual can cause lots of stress and, ultimately, lead to bad career decisions.
Let's look at Brian again. His family messages included:
•"A good job is a professional job, like a doctor, lawyer or accountant."
•"It's better to be at the top of the ladder than at the bottom."
•"Income is the most important consideration."
•"It's not acceptable for a member of our family to work with his hands for a living."
It's that last message that's causing him the most conflict. Because Brian is listening to and following messages that don't match his true desires, it is highly unlikely he will ever feel fulfilled as an accountant.
Get Back on TrackIf you realize you've been following someone else's career rules, it's time to get back on track with your own. Follow these steps to get started:
•Recognize the Messages: Articulate the messages and rules you carry around in your head. Question every assumption and bias you have about jobs and work. This can be tricky, because assumptions are often invisible to us. Keep asking yourself why, as in, "Why can't a man be a nurse?"
•Evaluate the Messages You Uncover: Scrutinize every family message you recall. Is it something you value? Is it something you believe? Most importantly, is it a rule you want to keep?
•Keep the Good, Toss the Rest: Keep the messages that match your values and beliefs. They will serve as a guide in your job search and work life. Toss the ones that run counter to what you believe. They will only get in the way when you try to hear and follow your inner voice.
•Learn More About What You Believe: You will likely uncover some gray areas where you don't believe what your family taught you, but aren't sure what you should believe, either. This is a good time to do some self-assessment work.
By learning to listen to what your own voice is telling you, you'll be on track to find the career that's right for you.
